my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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