just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
