If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
