I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
