I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
