Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
