If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
