walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
