Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
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Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
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Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
God, I missed his penis.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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