I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
