i jhust puked up my retainher.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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