Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
