Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
