There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
