awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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