Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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