More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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