ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
