great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
