There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
this boner is exhausting
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
nutella sex= disaster
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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