I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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