I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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