Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
