I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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