i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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