What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize