how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
