No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
