i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sarcasm needs its own font
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
