So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
