We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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