Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
