I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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