ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
