I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
