just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
