he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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