I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
