I accidentally burped into my bong.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
