There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
