True but thats because hes a fetus.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
