So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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