Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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