My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
