omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
