Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The power of my boobs compel you
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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