I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Green mimosas i think yes
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
