Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
