I didn't shave. On purpose
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
They are going to name an STD after you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize