There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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