I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Less talking, more tequila
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
