Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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