Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize