why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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