You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
