I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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