hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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