Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
