dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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