Who wears a wallet chain?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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