We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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