Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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