I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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