Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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