he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
