at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
